Can't think

I seem to have a problem when it comes to my thoughts, for some reason i think of the most amazing ideas and things to say only at night when I'm in bed just before I'm about to fall asleep.


I think this is because when I'm in my bed i feel comfortable and my mind is relaxed making it easier for me to think. If i could stay in bed all day with a notepad i could produce some amazing things well amazing for me, but i couldn't unfortunately stay awake long enough for me to write every thing i wanted to down. the reason i put this here is so i can describe my mind, that's all i really wanted to say.

Best Wishes,

Neil,

MonoTono.

So quick to judge

I am sick of the people in my school they are all so quick to judge and comment and point out the faults in me, but as soon as I say something about them every one starts to say things about me and then start to bug me to the point were it feels like bullying and I feel like hurting someone but of course if I do hit someone everyone would start to hit me. Today was one of these days in fact one of the worst, everyone was judging and making fun of my laugh and my hair, OK I know my laugh is stupid and very annoying, but seriously after telling me to shut up and stop laughing every day its not like I don’t know its not like I cant hear my self, if I could change it I would but I cant so just deal with it I have to.

It's not like I make fun of any one else. The only reason every one picks on me is because I’m a bit overweight, if I was skinny they wouldn’t say anything I can think of some people who have much more annoying laughs than me and who are all skinny and no one says anything to them it just because of the weight its so unfair. And the way everyone makes fun of my hair its so unfair there’s another boy in the same year as me who has even longer hair than me and I have never seen anyone say anything to him about his hair and I see him around the school a lot. The only reason he doesn’t get picked on is because he is skinny, well he might be getting picked on but I haven’t seen anyone pick on him and I see him a lot in school. I’m so sick of my dam school. Now even some of the year 7 and year 8 are starting to make fun of me I don’t even know who they are what the hell is everyone’s problem why do they always have to pick on me I wish they would get a life and do something that doesn’t involve me, and now even a few of my friends are starting to make fun of me in school I’m wondering if they are really my friends at all.

When we are all in town together we have a great time but when we are in school in front of other people they completely change its so sad when you think of it, how people change when there in front of other people just to fit in. I don’t know what to do any more I’m just trying to be myself its not my fault if this the way I am I’m not going to change just to be accepted, I just don’t know what to do anymore every time I try and change I never feel right, so screw all of you im going to be me and no one can make me chage so deal with it.

kindest regards,

MonoTono,

Neil.